In a tweet Monday on July 30, 2014, the Waffle House restaurant chain came out as adamant waffle truthers.
We don’t believe in Belgium waffles
— Waffle House (@WaffleHouse) June 30, 2014
Unfortunately for the chain, Belgian Waffles exist. It’s not a topic for existential conflict. But, the restaurant, which is headquartered in Norcross, Ga., is an American company that supports the United States of America in all things including the 2014 World Cup, and especially during this the day of the knockout round.
The company is simply, if strangely, urging a boycott on Belgian Waffles on Tuesday. A boycott on the fat, fluffy, powdered sugar covered waffle as if the Belgian men’s soccer team was drawing their strength directly from each bite of waffle an American takes. As if the nation of Belgium turns a profit with each waffle an American orders.
In essence, the company suggests that Tuesday afternoon, if the United States of America men’s national soccer team faces a small, politically fractured European nation on the pitch and loses, it will be because one poor American soul couldn’t resist the sweet carbohydrate temptation.
When, in fact, Waffle House, we are Americans. We will take on any enemy even as we feast on a poor facsimile of their national cuisine.
Today, denizens of freedom, will be no different. And we can always resort to the waffle taco. American made.
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